The world according to Wig

A friggin lot is the answer to that! I really shouldn't use this space as a glorified diary coz it will just get SOOOOO DULL, more boring than it already even is. So I'll just list the things I've done - or, more accuratly, that I can remember I've done, since I last wrote:

1) interviewed Annie Lennox, obviously. She was cool, very focused but quite melancholy, passionate about music though which was nice. Even better, my editors loved it and ran the piece the same week, which almost never happens.

2) finished watching LOST. Bugger me its good. Am crap at keeping secrets so not saying any more. Watch it. WATCH IT.

3) booked a surprise thingymibob for my friend for his birthday which I can't actually write about in case he looks at this site, though I've already come close to blowing it loads of times and I doubt I'lll be able to hold off til Xmas, but Im trying....... I mention it here because it was a rather split decision, and I spent quite a while afterwards thinking "shit, I can't believe you just did that." Spontaneity is good for the soul. If not for the wallet.

4) ate millions and trillions of mince pies for my 10 Best MInce Pies thing I'm writing. Betty's from Yorkshire are DEFINITELY hands down by miles the best. My colleagues reckon its a northern bias. But then they're all southerners so they would.

5) taped up our cat-flap that only gets used by our drunk friends to stick their heads through and make silly noises and never actually by cats at all. This is important. I learned this was important after visiting a total-hippy-environment-guilt-riddling-type 'learning centre' in Hebden Bridge near my folk's place and reading that something stupid like 70% of your heating bill goes out of doors and unsealed, non-double glazed, windows. We have not got double-glazed windows, nor can we afford them. Our doors are shaped like parallelograms and require a generous amount of patience and wiggling to get them closed. We don't own a plane. So I thought I'd begin my heating conservation by taping up the cat flap, that was always happily flapping and never enticing any feline attention. I now laugh at the thought of a cat -or one of my drunk friends, for that matter - trying to get through the taped up flap to no avail. Haha. O how interesting my life is.

Perhaps not that much happens in 10 days at all........ Damn my over-excitement! But I did leave the best til last, which is that last Friday - November 25th - I went back up north to go to my boy's brilliant marvelous hiphop/live music clubnight and bloody Roots Manuva showed up!!! We had invited him, coz the twat always plays Manchester when we're across town trying to get people into our gig, so we made this point to his peeps and they concurred that sucked and said they'd try to get down. Not only did they get down AND DISCO they also did "Witness" and "Too Cold" and the new tune and bloody loads of other bloody amazing stuff and we all laughed/cried/shat ourselves and it was brill. So I guess thats why I think I've done loads of stuff because that night was like the culmination of a year's work and was just like, totally dude. I go all American at moments like this. Its annoying, but all I can think of to say is dude. Like, dude. I may have had a similar conversation with Rodney. O good. Ah well, thats only after he fell asleep in the chair in the back room! Bless.

So, if somebody doesn't have something to say about then you're all rubbish. And you have to be somebody other than Jima, who I love dearly, but who clearly has WAAAAY too much time on his hands and has probably spent literally half of the last three years on his Mac. If there was a slightly-less evolved version of the Borg, that would be JIm. But if there is a technical apocalypse, and the machines take over, he would be a front line soldier, which would be bad coz he's pretty lazy......

Argh! Editor. Must go search some crap about Donny Osmond for an interview I did months ago. Bloody deadlines. Laters aligators.

Interviewing Annie Lennox today - finally - hope she won't notice that I keep spazzing out in pain because I've pulled something by sleeping funny. Had a rough night because watched too many episodes of LOST on DVD before going to sleep and awoke, middle of the night, seriously thinking scary immortal John Locke was in my room and I was on some kind of mission for him to save everybody else on the island at the expense of ourselves. I've only got two episodes to go now - and they are called Exodus 1 and Exodus 2. I'm very very excited indeed. Love American pointless drama. And Dominic Monhagan. And that gorgeous dude from Bradford who plays Sahid. And Hurley. Dude.

Just came in to this email from my best good friend in Seattle - or, more accurately, Bremerton - and it made me laugh:

Ms. Wiggins-

Nice website. I'm fascinated by the fact that some of your relatives believe you of all people rise and shine before 1PM.

Love ya all the way to the sky,

Senator Silva.

Wise words spoken by somebody with vast experience of trying to get me out of bed during my university days. It's still no joke Angelina - ask my current housemates - they tip-toe in, put the brew down by my bed, tip-toe back to the door making sure all exit routes are clear, and then say, softly, "Wigs, its 2.30 in the afternoon, perhaps you should get up now...." before swiftly buggering off. A sensible approach that only sometimes works, depending on whether there is any smell of bacon eminating from the kitchen. Must dash - what shall I ask Annie? Questions in before 12 noon please.

Doctor says to patient: "I have some bad news about
the bird flu you have caught."

Patient: "Oh, not. What is it doc?"

Doc says: "It's unTweetable.

heh heh heh

like bloomin James Green who has posted an entire friggin PHd's worth of media analysis stuff up under my innane and brainless comments about market-sourced footwear, and my sister, who honestly thought I was even conscious at 7am, let alone eagerly typing away at this nonsense, are just silly! Jim - I may or may not read all that stuff, one day, but thanks for thinking of me anyway. ?!%! Ruthie, no I wasn't up at 7 am, there's something really wrong with the timing on this site - maybe its set to EST or something, I dunno, - but I assure you that of the many things this city is 'doing to me' encouraging me to get up early is not one of them. Ever. Rest assured.

But thanks for your thoughts. You mentalists. Hey Jim - I posted some rubbish on your site too to get you back - haha! You should get one ROot, then I can do the same for you.

all you gots to do is click the 'blog this' icon at the top of the page! Good little story tho Wilks, we are now well on our way to Carrie-esque stardom and all the Milonos (or whatever the bloody hell them shoes are) that we can store in our shared moth-eaten cupboard in Brixton with the broken vac. Hurrah! However, not sure how much I will actually enjoy breaking in said new Milonos as the boots I bought off Islington market for 20 squid on Saturday are already hurting my feet too much and threatening to break at the seems - why o why do I insist on always buying market shoes! I'll put a tenner on them lasting two weeks. Anyone want to take that bet? Wigs xxxxx

I hate to be all band-wagony but Holy Moly really is the shit - take a look!

www.holymoly.co.uk

So funny. Especially the bit about Jodie Marsh being just like a poo with lip gloss on.

I keep seeing that bird from Hollyoaks - the big ginger oafish one thats not in it any more - on the way to work in Canary Wharf every day and its freaking me out. She's like a big giant ginger mirage - I keep thinking its not really her but Im sure it is. Weird.

so I've decided to join the rest of all you happy bloggers in the hope that, like our balding yellow friend, I too will be able to charm the cyber community into thinking I know anything at all about, well, anything at all. Actually, I do usually know some stuff but today I am rather excrutiatingly hungover so my brain is doing that stuttering thing where even the simplest of tasks - like typing - become a struggle.And also my propensity to waffle on at length about rubbish is much more acute. So apologies, and here's what knowledge I can salvage from my booze-riddled brain this Friday evening:

1) that Hotpoint advert where the record spins round and it makes washing look really easy is CRAP and REALLY ANNOYING because quite clearly, the tribulations of washing are not to be found in pressing the bloody 'on'button but in sorting through the dirty stuff first and then finding somewhere to hang the clean stuff in your small, clothes horse-less house in Brixton. Anybody who falls for that advert is a fool. Like my housemate, who thought it was an advert for a washing machine with a record player in it.

2) putting toothpaste on spots makes you look stupid but really works - especially on the really greasy ones.

3) drinking copious amounts of champagne makes you very drunk.

4) Forders makes a cracking red thai duck curry.

5) Hannah Martin from Neighbours - the world's most irritating soap character, daughter of Julie, grandaughter of Helen the dinosaur Martin - works in a restaurant in Crouch End.(I have not yet established the credibility of this but fully intend to do so, if anyone out there can back up this claim, please let me know so I can go there and throw a massive paddy like she used to do every day, disturbing an otherwise peaceful tea time chez Wig)

There. Consider my wisdom officially imparted. I feel better. Marginally. Pint anyone?